What I want to say

Yes, I am still alive and well, haha. It has been quite a while since my last post. Baru jua seminggu plang tu nada new posts haha, berijap bunyinya. Hmm, I have been quite busy these past few weeks, especially starting this week lah since right now I have a temporary job. The temporary job is actually only for less than 2 months lah. I had training for 2 weeks before really really starting the job this week, so I have been pretty busy and tired all week long. Even Fridays and Saturdays ku kraja, so my only off day right now is Sunday. Hehehe. Nevertheless, I have enjoyed my job so far and my work colleagues are a nice bunch. So I am grateful hehe.

To tell you the truth, this is my first ever job after all years of studying and studying haha. When I calculated the time I spent studying, from my kindergarten years (starting 1990) to my University years (finished 2008), I have spent 19 years of my life just schooling and studying! Kalau masukkan nursery years lagi arah Sunshine School jua, ada jua 20 tahun sudah ku sekolah! Wow! Haha. I am a nerd, haha. Okay, I love going to school, hehe, walaupun sometimes ada masa malas2 atu, tapi atu biasa lah ah, hahaha. Now I am 23, well going to be 24 in a few days hehe. So this is a new phase in my life, the working phase and living life in general.

I would love to continue studying lagi, but maybe sometime in the future lah nanti. Since some things did not work out as I have planned, I have moved on with life and try to accept the fact that maybe some better things are out there for me, who knows kan. Although sometimes bila ingat balik sedih lah jua, hehe. But I have discovered that I am a strong and optimistic person. I did not get to fulfil my dream to continue studying medicine to become a doctor but who knows. All we can do is pray and hope for the best. I believe I have not mentioned any of this to my readers in my blog di sini dulu, sampai ada yang tanya-tanya mengapa tarus-tarus ada farewell dinner masa di brisbane dulu and macam batah ku di Brunei masa ani. So I told them, I am back in brunei for good udah. Since dulu atu, nada ku rasa bemood kan share this di sini. I was so disappointed with myself and there were so many 'what if' scenarios going on in my head. What if I do that better or what if I do this differently, and so on. But ani banyak plang my friends tau sudah jua since I have accepted that fact sometime ago jua hehe. People kept telling me, 'it is not the end of the world' when they were advising me and I really appreciated that. Studying medicine is tough since every week ada new cases to research, understand and present and so on, so we have to keep up to date but fun lah jua, and I have enjoyed what I have studied so far. Maybe ia fast paced atu jua pasal it's a post graduate entry course for 4 years saja iatah kana compressed sikit atu kali walaupun ia kana consider as an undergraduate course. Memang lah jua tough kan pasal ani kes nyawa orang kan, hehe. Since I can't repeat due to stricter rules sudah masa ani, so I have to return back to Brunei. At least I have my degree to fall back to, and for that I am fortunate. Wah, sesi luahan hati tah plang nah haha.

Since I am in a reminiscing mood jua kan masa ani, hehe. Sigh.. becoming a doctor was my ultimate ambition since high school and sudah masuk Med after going through so much of schooling to reach that goal felt good since the end was becoming nearer and nearer. But we can't really predict life, I mean we make plans and we try to do the best we can but if it is not destined for you, terserah tah pada takdir kan. I didn't do as well as I hope in the end year written exams last year. I have never failed anything in my life before this and that was such a huge blow to me. Nda lagi langsung dapat repeat the year tu eh, if other courses dapat, ish ish ish. At first ku rasa nda fair plang since it wasn't the case macam orang dulu2 but new rules are new rules. Sudah nasib sorang-sorang kan. As I said, we just hope for the best through prayers and usaha. So right now, I am planning to work dulu and maybe continue studies nanti, hehe, rehat2kan minda tah dulu lapas 20 tahun belajar non-stop. So yes, as you may have read from my previous blog entries, I am happy now and moving forward, with my family by my side now in Brunei although I miss Brisbane and my Brisbane friends especially since I left rather unexpectedly, hehe. Hearing about other people's stories who have been in the same position before makes me more positive and optimistic.

Bah, sampai ke sana ku plang nah, haha. Sometimes I like to reminisce on things as you can see, hehe. Brapa bulan kah sudah tu hal atu hehe. Hmm, baik jua lah masa ani ada temporary job to focus on while waiting for any govt job since I got back in Brunei in February. Ani macam makin kerasahan lah jua batah menunggu and jobless, sigh. But nya org, time2 masa ani andang selalunya batah menunggu kraja ani, hehe, so sabar saja tah dulu, hehe. Wah, panjang ceritaku ani haha, sometimes it feels good to say what is in your heart jua kan. Awalnya kan bercerita pasal my new temporary job haha, sekali sampai atu. My close friends tau plang udah pasal ani but some may still nda tau so I thought baik tah ku blog to clear the air pasal ani haha, and now you know! hehe, walaupun bebulan-bulan sudah haha, sorry about that. I hope you understand. :) Now, it's not good to reminisce about the bad times in my life lagi haha, so a note to myself: Think happy thoughts saja! hehe. To my friends yang masih berjuang dalam medicine atu, semoga sukses and akan ku sentiasa doakan semoga kamu berjaya menjadi doktor suatu hari kelak, amin! :)

xoxo

jannah (^_^)